A well-respected leader in my professional community once told me she had broken up and gotten back together with her partner 11 times in three years. That was a defining moment for me, because I realized that absolutely everyone experiences challenges in relationships, no matter how enlightened. A love relationship can be difficult even when you understand the nuances of human behavior — especially when you understand human behavior.
Some principles which people fail to understand…
1. Your “ideal” relationship will be unique to you.
Love may not look how you imagined. You may not be married by the time you’re in your 30s, 40s, or even 50s. You may not have children. And all of that is OK. Learn your lessons, be open to the guidance of your heart, and let go of the social conditioning that tells you where you should be in life to be happy. Accept that where you are now is where you should be — and stay committed to growth.
2. One of the biggest mistakes you can make in a relationship is seeking your happiness in the other person.
The movies are wrong. There is no person who completes you — who is capable of transforming you into a permanently happy person. Your partner’s attributes may complement yours nicely, but they can never complete you, because on a soul level, you are already complete. What’s required is a space for you to explore and express yourself as authentically as possible.
3. You must give what you want to receive.
If you want love, you must be more loving. If you want understanding, you must be understanding. That’s the proper sequence — giving first, then being open to receiving. But remember: You must give without expecting anything in return. Also, because the emotional bank account between you and your partner may be in the red, you may have to give a lot more than you initially thought to get out of debt and begin experiencing the flow of reciprocity…
People Against Parental Alienation 